Entering high school was a new and fun time for me. To keep it real, boys were noticing me and I was not use to that kind of attention. I was so psyched! My long time childhood crush finally saw me and he was interested in me.
D was his name. He would walk me to class, carry my books and ate lunch with me everyday. He would constantly ask to be “my boyfriend,” but because of this new attention from various guys, I said no. I didn’t want to lose this new and wanted attention. It felt good.
Unbeknownst to D, I had a serious crush on him since 5th grade. I could not believe I was spending each day with the him. So many days in elementary and middle school I spent just daydreaming about him. Now he was one of my closest friends. I was so happy!
The day before my last day of ninth grade while walking me to the bus, D asked me for a hug. I told him no because I would see him tomorrow. I would like to tell you that D and I hugged on the last day of school and lived happily ever after, but it definitely did not happen that way.
As usual, my dad woke me up for school. I was tired but excited because summer break was about to begin. This morning my dad stayed in my room and sat on my bed and waited for me to get up. I am not a morning person, so I was a bit frustrated that he was still in my room.
Once I started moving to get up, my dad gently touched my back and shared with me that D died the night before at the hospital. I could not believe it. I immediately sat up and asked how. He shared that he was shot accidentally while his friend was playing with a gun. This could not be real. I began to tell my dad that this was a big mistake and I will see D at school.
Once on the school bus and in school, everyone kept asking me if was I okay. Of course I was okay. In my mind, this was a big mistake. D was fine. He was going to eat lunch with me as he always did and I would give him the hug he asked for.
Lunch time came and he did not show up. I immediately lost it. In that moment, I knew he was gone and never coming back. I could not contain my emotions. I was heartbroken. The worst part was I never told D how I really felt about him. I was crazy about him. He was so sweet and so much fun. He was the guy I loved since 5th grade. The guilt and regret was real.
I didn’t know how to ease the pain. One day I remembered God. I began to pray each day to ask God to tell D how I felt about him and that I am so sorry for not giving him the hug he asked for on the day he died. I felt horrible because he left this world not knowing that I truly adored him. That was my fault. The desperation of my prayers was so sincere that God had to hear me and in time, answer.
A month or so after the funeral, I had the best dream. It was so good that I still get chills when I recall the dream.
In the dream, I told D exactly how I felt and shared how long I felt that way. He shared that he knew. I apologized for not hugging him. He forgave me. Then “it” happened. We hugged! It felt so warm and real that I get emotional as a share this moment. The hug was everything.
As a child I was taught to pray and what I ask for in His name, it shall be given to me. During that time, that verse was the only thing that kept me from this dark place that I desperately wanted to enter. At times I couldn’t breathe. I didn’t want to breathe. I felt hopeless. I didn’t know why this happened. To be honest, it wasn’t for me to know why.
What I do know is God is real! It took a very traumatic event for me to truly know this for myself. Trust me, I know this for myself without a doubt! God’s love and mercy endures forever. I thank God for answering that prayer and revealing Himself to me at such a young age. To honor God’s love we are to love one another. Today I strive to give love to all, even those who appear to be difficult to love.
While you have time, tell people how you feel. Let someone know that they are loved by you. Love is the greatest gift.
If you have any questions or something you want to share, please feel free to leave a comment below.
In order to receive love,