Trust is one of the most important components in any relationship, especially in marriage. Once trust is broken it is extremely hard to repair. Notice I stated it is hard to repair, not that it cannot be repaired. This process will take time, patience, honest communication and an open mind. How to forgive a cheating spouse is ultimately your decision, but I will give you a few suggestions because this is a process that you should not enter alone.
Time and patience are the key
In most cases what led up to the cheating did not occur overnight, so the healing will not take place overnight. You will need time to gather your thoughts and really experience your feelings of grief, anger, betrayal, hurt and/or disappointment. There will be times when you may experience all of these emotions and that is perfectly “normal.”
No one can tell you how you should feel nor how long it will take you to forgive your cheating spouse. The forgiveness will happen at the right time, if that is what you truly want. Take your time and listen to your heart and listen to your spouse.
Cheating doesn’t just happen. There is some disconnection between you and your spouse. It is extremely important that you find out what has gotten between you so you can be sure it doesn’t happen again.
Designate private time when you will talk about what led up to the cheating. It is imperative that neither of you start playing the blame game. The truth is more than likely you both played a role in violating your relationship. A major component of how to forgive a cheating spouse is to recognize why this occurred so you do not repeat this pain.
I am not saying that any action by one partner should ever “cause” the other partner to cheat. The truth of the matter is sometimes both persons are (in their minds) telling their partner that something is wrong. However, unless you have that honest conversation and actually say something is wrong, then nothing is wrong. In a marriage no one can read minds, no matter how close you may be.
Have an open mind
When you take time to discuss what led to the cheating, please have an open mind. It is not easy to hear why someone betrayed your vows. Also, keep in mind that it is not easy for your spouse to admit that they hurt you. No one likes to admit their faults which is why you should do more listening initially so your spouse will be totally honest with you.
None of this will be easy to hear, but it will be progress to repair your marriage.
I’m ready to forgive, now what
Once you have decided that you are ready forgive and now you know how to forgive a cheating spouse there are a few things you must remember.
- Try not to bring up your past mistakes and those of your spouse.
- Do not assume that if things go wrong your spouse will cheat again.
- Now that you all can talk about anything, talk about everything.
- Schedule relationship check-ups. Ask your spouse how they are feeling and discuss what you both desire from the marriage.
If you keep the lines of communication open and refrain from assuming the worst about each other, you can survive this painful experience. It may not seem like it right now, but you can have a healthy marriage after infidelity. Forgiving a cheating spouse is a process that both partners have to be committed to if the marriage will survive and trust me it can do more than survive; it can thrive.
I hope this has helped you or someone you love. If you have a comment about what you read or would to share your thoughts, please do so below. Remember in order to receive love,