Finding a mate can be a challenging process, yet many of us want to have that special someone that we can grow and share with. Being that the majority of your life is spent at work, for some, this process makes the most sense. However, before you begin dating a colleague you must first ask yourself a few tough questions.
- What is my employers’ policy on dating colleagues?
- Do I get along with this person?
- What are my intentions?
- If this doesn’t work out, what’s next?
- Did this work for Bee?
What is my employers’s policy for dating colleagues?
Most employers have policies that indicate that employers must maintain clear boundaries between professional and personal interaction while in the work place. The policies cannot dictate what employers do outside of work as long as it does not undermine and bring negative attention to the company.
The policies typically do not state that co-workers cannot date nor develop romantic relationships outside of the work place. What this does mean is if you decided to enter into a romantic relationship outside of work, you must always conduct yourselves as professional colleagues while in the work work environment.
My policy is…less is best! The less you see each other at work, the less likely you are to blow your cover. Stay professional around your romantic interest and you should not receive any repercussions nor any negativity for dating a colleague.
Do I get along with this person?
Your answer to this question should be YES! Now if this is someone you see in the elevator, the parking lot or in a meeting, you may not have a definitive answer to this question. The good news is…that’s okay.
Be sure that you do some research. You should try to get a feel of what your colleagues think of this person (if you value their opinion). If this person has a poor work ethic, comes to work late and is rude to others, you may not want to date this person. Now, if this person is seen as a good employee and is well-liked and respected, you may want to pursue the date.
Remember, just because your colleague is a good worker, does not necessarily mean they would make a good partner. Only time will tell.
What are my intentions?
You really need to know your plans for this person. In other words, are you looking for friendship, a good time, several good times (wink, wink), someone to hang-out with or a committed relationship? I am not saying you should discuss this on the first date, but you should know and please be honest with yourself. Whatever you want is your right, but it is also the right of your colleague to accept your proposal or turn you down. You have to be prepared for rejection especially if you have not gotten a feel for if this person may be attracted to you as well.
Knowing what you want is key and the truth is, it may change. As long as you two are changing and moving in the same direction, it may be a fun and loving experience.
If this doesn’t work out, what’s next?
This is tough, but again, something you must be prepared for. If you have to interact with this person on a regular basis to complete your tasks at work, this could become toxic and may negatively impact your work. I must reiterate that you must be prepared for rejection and/or learning that you two just are not compatible.
If you are realistic, you know this can end in one of three ways. It can end with (1) you two totally despising each other, (2) you two have a mutual respect that things didn’t work out, but understanding you still have a job to do, or (3) it can evolve into something wonderful that you both are happy with. I will hope for the latter.
Your work environment can be stressful without adding a relationship into the mix, so please think about the risks this may bring before moving forward. If this is a job you love, take your time to figure this out.
Did dating a colleague work for Bee?
The short answer…YES! I did date my colleague and married him about a year and a half later. In my situation, I did not have to see him on a regular basis or at all, except for during our monthly staff meetings. Even there, I did not have to have direct contact with him.
I thought he was fine from the first moment I saw him and he did not even see me because he was so engrossed in his work (huge turn-on). He is awesome at what he does and was well-liked and respected by everyone who came in contact with him as was I. People mentioned him to me and vice-versa, but we played it cool. Today, we have been married for more than 10 years.
I will have to give you the “tea” on how that really came to be at another time. It is a long story, but a very interesting one. (Let me know if you want the details).
I am perfectly fine with anyone dating a colleague as long as the rewards appear to outweigh the risks. Be honest with your expectations and your colleague at all costs because it can save a lot of heart ache, stress and negativity in the long run. Truth, if you want to give this an honest try, be honest, be kind and more importantly,