Hmmm? I think you can have friends of the opposite sex when married as long as your spouse is aware of these friendships. This doesn’t mean that you cannot interact in a friendly, yet respectful way with your colleagues or other people you may encounter on a daily basis. It simply means that you will not engage in intimate conversations, sharing relationship stories without the knowledge of your spouse.
You may think my opinion is old school or insecure, but people will be people. In time, the more you get to know someone, the more fond of them you are likely to become I choose not to go down those roads, so why would I want that for my spouse?
In your daily activities, you may come across people that you enjoy talking with whether about work, sports, religion, etc., and that is fine. If this is someone you would like to continue to interact with on a friendly basis, have that conversation with your spouse. After you talk it over, make the introductions and together you and your spouse will determine if this is something that will work for both of you. You both do not have to interact with this person but that must be an option if you are to develop an ongoing friendship with this person.
Please note that everyone you meet and get along with in a particular setting is not your friend. Being a friend and being friendly are two totally different things. You must be able to discern between the two. (I find this to be more difficult for men).
Some may misinterpret this and think your spouse is trying to “control” you. This is not controlling. This is merely protecting your relationship from potential disaster.
You do realize that there are people who find joy in engaging in relationships with unavailable people. These people are the “friends” you’ve chosen who your spouse doesn’t know. It becomes disastrous because you have been telling all of your relationship business to them and they use it to sneak into your relationship and offer you what you think you are missing.
Choosing your “friends” wisely is so important for the success of your marriage (or committed relationship). People who respect your relationship are the people you should consider giving the title of friend.
Trust is very important in any relationship, but especially in a marriage. This gets stronger as you share things (big and small) with your spouse. Listen to them. Know their friends and never be afraid to ask questions. Be afraid if they cannot or will not answer your questions.
I believe it is perfectly fine to have friends of the opposite sex, but your spouse must know exactly who they are. Together (you and your spouse) must decide and define the relationship. Be sure you are choosing friends for appropriate reasons. You will be attracted to other people and that is not a reason to engage in a friendship. Before starting new friendships ask yourself if this will benefit or betray your marriage?
Many people crave attention from others and that is perfectly normal. Nevertheless, a friendship should not develop because of something you are lacking in your marriage. Chose your friends wisely and put the feelings of your spouse first. If you do these things, there is no reason why you cannot have a platonic and healthy friendship with someone of the opposite sex.
As always, if you have a question, comment or concern, please leave it down below and I will respond. Until the next time, remember, in order to receive love,